Enjoying life's adventures in a secluded mountain cabin

Posts tagged ‘epiphany’

Lesson Learned

Have you ever thought about what it really means to be a parent?  More specifically, a Mother?  A Mama?  I must say that my definition of this term was pretty standard for most of my life.  When I was a child, I knew what my Mama meant to me.  I knew the emotions and feelings associated with that word.  I knew that even though me and my Mama didn’t always see eye to eye that she loved me and she knew best and I’d better do as she said if I wanted to succeed in this life.  Yeah, right!  Of course I can write that now.  At the time, I would have vehemently denied agreeing with a lot of what Mama told me.  Turns out, she was right about almost every single thing she ever told me.

Fast forward to me embarking upon my journey through Motherhood.  All the rules that once applied went out the window.  All the truths that I once held near and dear are, as it turns out, no longer valid.

I thought I had it all figured out.  I thought I knew exactly what to do.  Well, not all the time, but most of the time.  And I felt like the choices I was making regarding my kids were the right ones, and the very best ones I could make for them at the time.  I sometimes looked at other Mother’s and wondered what in the world was wrong with them?  How could they let their kids do this?  How could they just ignore that behavior?  Or worse yet, I’d look at the kids and think to myself, what is wrong with your Mama that you’ve turned out the way you are?   If I were being honest right now, I’d tell you that not only did I think these things, but I also voiced these opinions, quite a bit.

I’m sure there are a whole lot of people out there saying the same thing about me at this point.  I’m sure there have been people who haven’t always agreed with all the choices I’ve made regarding my kids.  I’m also sure that deep down, I really knew that I didn’t know exactly what to do in every situation, but I did the very best that I could possibly do.  Like all the other endeavors in my life, I’ve given 110%, and beyond.  Especially where my boys have been concerned.

But ya know what?  I’ve learned a very important lesson in this journey.  One that I probably never would have been able to grasp if I hadn’t been in the situation I’ve been placed in by time and circumstance.  And this lesson is so earth shattering and soul-shaking, and yet so simple and so real and so humbling.  A lesson that I’m sure lots of Mothers before me have had to learn the hard way, including mine, bless her heart.

Are you ready for it?

Ok.

Here it is.

No matter how you raise your kids, they’re eventually gonna do things you don’t agree with on their journey to becoming whoever it is they’re meant to be in this life.

That’s it.

There is absolutely no one on the face of this earth who can prepare you for this little truth in life.  No one can tell you this is going to happen.  No one can warn you that this might happen.  There is no book you can read that will alert you to this fact.  There are no seminars you can attend to learn about this phenomenon.  There’s no television show that’s gonna get this message across.  There’s no guru you can visit who will enlighten you to this fact.

Nothing.

No one.

This epiphany only happens once you’re in the midst of your own kids stumbling off the path, or in some cases, jumping straight off the flippin’ cliff that’s just to the west of the path.  Sure, other’s might warn you about these things happening, but your kids would never do any of those things.  After all, you raised them better than that.  You taught them right from wrong.  You showed them the right way to be.  You talked to them about all the dangers they might face out there in the world.  You tried to have an open relationship with them where they felt safe to talk to you about anything.  You did the very best that you could possibly do and your kids will never turn out that way.

Never say never.

That still remains one of the most honest and real things my Mama used to tell me.  It was true back then, it’s true today, and it’ll be true tomorrow.  My journey through Motherhood is far from over, but it sure isn’t turning out to be the trip I always envisioned when my boys were little.

My one and only piece of advice for any parent out there, but especially to all you Mama’s…

Never say never.

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2012- Is The End Near or Are We Just Beginning?

I woke up this morning and had an epiphany while lying in Mountain Man’s big strong arms.  Well, actually, he might’ve been the one to kick start my epiphany.  After I said something about it being the first day of a new year, he reminded me that it’s now 2012.  So we jokingly went back and forth about this being our last year together and how we better make it count.

Well, that got me thinking.  What if this really is our last year on this earth?  What if these next 355 days are gonna be the very last days of our lives?  355 days because supposedly, the world’s supposed to end on December 21, 2o12.  355 days is not a lot of time when I stop and think about all the things I’ve ever wanted to do with my life before I leave this earth.  And I’ll bet there’s a whole lot of other people out there who feel the same way.  I know there’s a lot of people who have bucket lists, either written down somewhere, like me, or at the very least, filed safely away somewhere in the back of their minds where they can revisit the list and add to it while waiting in line at the grocery store or sitting in traffic or waiting for the doctor to come in while they’re sitting on that cold table in that cold room with nothing but socks and a paper gown for warmth and cover.  By the way, those paper gowns are on my list of most hated things.  We’ll get into that another time.

I know for me, personally, some of the items on my bucket list cannot be completed without a great deal of money.  Money that I’ve not yet had time to save up for.  I’ve not even started my bucket list savings account with my credit union!  I’ve been raising kids since I was practically a kid myself!  There’s never been enough extra to sock away for Mama’s wish list!  I always thought I’d fulfill my list much later in life.

If this is it, if these are truly the last days, then I guess that like a whole lot of other people out there, I won’t get to do all the things I dreamed of doing before I leave this earth.  I won’t get to visit the Louvre and stare in pure wonderment at some of the world’s most beautiful and famous artwork, or see Michelangelo’s work at the Sistine Chapel, or sink my toes in the black sand beaches of Punalu’u in Hawaii.  I may not ever try sushi or have coffee in The French Quarter.  I may not ever get to gaze upon Christ the Redeemer in Rio de Janeiro, or try to get one of the guards to giggle at Buckingham Palace, or visit Paula Deen’s restaurant in Savannah.  I might not make it to a beach that has white sand and crystal blue waters where I can swim with dolphins.  I may never fly… anywhere.  I might not get to try snowboarding or snorkeling.  I may never make it out to Jackson Hole for the hunting trip of a lifetime.  And these are only a few of the things on my to-do list for my life.

There are a great deal of things on my bucket list that require no monetary compensation to complete them.  And it’s all those “little things” that I hope to really work on in the next few months.  I’m a realist, so I know that I won’t be able to complete all of them.  But, I’m also a woman who is full of perpetual hope and faith and I believe that good things come to those who wait.  I believe in a great deal of things in this world, as well as the hereafter.  And it’s my belief in all these things that’s gonna help me check off as many of my items on my bucket list as I possible can.  Some of them, I’ll have to actively work on making them happen.  Others, I hope will just fall right into my lap when I least expect them to.  And it’s those things that I think are gonna mean the most to me.

I love life’s little surprises that make you smile like a fool for no reason and make others wonder about your sanity.  Those are the best moments.

So, while I personally don’t believe that the Four Horsemen are gonna come galloping up in 355 days, and I really doubt that I’m gonna make very many changes to my daily life as a direct result of an impending “end”, I do however think I’m gonna live my life with more purpose this year.  I don’t do New Year’s resolutions.  But if I did, savoring something, big or little, each and every day would be mine.

 

 

What I Learned Today

I always try to learn something new each and every day.  More often than not, it’s usually just something little and mundane that really doesn’t matter at the time.  But in the long run and the grand scheme of things, all those little things eventually mix and meld together and they combine with all the bigger lessons of life and encompass all the knowledge and wisdom that I hold near and dear in this world.

Well today, my lesson wasn’t what I might classify as a little thing, but more of a life lesson, and it sometimes astounds me that there are still life lessons out there to be learned at my age.  Not that I’m old or anything, but sometimes I find that I’m a little full of myself and think that I’ve already learned all of the life lessons out there.  And it’s in those moments when I’m absolutely sure that I know all there is to know about something that God decides to put me in my place, as He should.

So my lesson in humility for the day….

I can only do what I can do.  No more, no less.

God has a way of quietly whispering this to me at times and screaming it in my face at others.  But He always gets His point across.

I made myself a promise a while back that I was gonna write something, anything, each and every single day.  Then, my world came crashing down all around me, and as usual, I poured my heart and soul into trying to pick up the pieces and fix everything.  I’m a fixer.  It’s in my nature.  I can’t help it.  So, again, I ignored my promise to myself and stopped writing… again.

While I was in the midst of picking up pieces and attempting to fix everything, I had an epiphany… again.  I had to learn the hard way that I have absolutely no control over other people, yet again.  It was an illusion that I whole heartedly believed with every fiber of my being concerning him.  I just knew that if I did everything right, I could shape his life and help him change his stars, and who knows?  Perhaps, I really have done these things and the fruits of my labor are just yet to be seen.  But right now, in this moment, I can only do what I can do.  No more, no less.

Do you know how horribly difficult it is for someone like me to accept this absolute truth in life?  God keeps trying to teach me that He’s the one in control.  But, sometimes that’s just so hard for me to accept.  But for now, in this moment, I think I’ve finally got the message, loud and clear this time.

I can only do what I can do.  No more, no less.

But that does not mean that my faith is gone.  No, no, no.  Far from it.  My perpetual hope in him to eventually find his path in life and remember all the lessons I’ve taught him and mature into the wonderful man that I’ve always known he was gonna be when he grows up is still there and I still believe.  I will always believe.

But…

I can only do what I can do.  No more, no less.

The Flicker of a Lighbulb

I had an epiphany today.

It just occurred to me that being a blogger/writer/whatever-the-heck-it-is I am can be a very tedious and time-consuming thing.  And in the midst of all this tedious and time-consuming that’s going on, do you know what else is happening?  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

Writing, while very rewarding, is a very sedentary activity.  I’ve yet to figure out a way to walk around while I’m banging out my latest thoughts regarding whatever just happens to be floating through my brain matter.  I’ve also not figured out how to multitask while writing, either.  How great would it be to be able to do the dishes, return phone calls, fold the laundry, and scrub the tub while getting all these thoughts that are constantly bouncing around in my head down into some comprehensible format?

Well, perhaps that’s taking it just a little bit too far.  But, any of you that love to write like I do can surely relate to my plight.  Here lately, my creative juices have been coinciding with the time that I have to leave to pick my son up from the bus stop.  And I don’t know about y’all, but if I don’t get my ideas jotted down somewhere when they happen, then it’s like they’re lost forever in some time warp, never to return…  Until 3 in the morning when I am jolted awake, sometimes rather violently, by them, at which time I’m sure not gonna be jumping outta bed to rush downstairs to write.

Wait a minute….  Hmmm…

Maybe that’s the answer.  Perhaps I should start jumping outta bed whenever an idea brings me back into the realm of consciousness.  Or at the very least, I guess I could roll over and jot whatever the thought is down on some paper to refer back to it in the daylight hours.  I’m sure I’ve read this tip somewhere before…

And there you have it.  Another epiphany.  That’s two in one day!  Any of you that know me personally knows that’s a lot for me!

 

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