I do not like rainy days. Never have. Never will. At times, rainy days have been just enough to send me right on over the edge to deep, dark depressions that have involved massive amounts of self-loathing, embarrassing thoughts of woe-is-me, and endless tears that seem to erupt from a fount of pure, salty relief somewhere deep inside. No, I’ve never been clinically diagnosed with depression, and I’m not now, nor have I ever been, on any kind of antidepressants. I just really don’t like rainy days.
That being said, for whatever reason, today’s not been too bad. It’s been soupy, cloudy, foggy, and misty all morning long here at the cabin, but I’ve not been overcome with that God-awful sensation that creeps up on me at the first sign of a rain cloud. I’ve not wanted to crawl back under my covers and hide from the world. I’ve not felt that all too familiar tightening in my throat, that at times, threatens to consume me and results in an eruption of tears that come on so suddenly that they sometimes completely take me by surprise.
Today has been different. Today, for the first time in a very long time, I’ve felt a little like myself again. Rainy days used to mean pj’s, long naps, veggin’ out on the couch, and taking a minute to just be. Well today, I’m daring to dream that I might be able to enjoy this entire rainy day without shedding a single tear. I’ll let y’all know how it goes.