I’m convinced that there’s a conspiracy amongst the flying insects this year. It’s almost as if they’ve went into hibernation over the long, frigid winter and came back out with an unnatural urge to aggravate every living soul that dares to set foot outside in their turf.
I know, I know, every year we go around muttering the same thing to ourselves and anyone else who’ll listen. “The bugs sure are bad this year.” Well this year, the bugs really are bad! It’s almost as if a plague has been unleashed upon us and try as I might, nothing can stop these annoying little creatures from driving me to the point of madness, or worse, back inside the house.
They’ve become immune to most every line of defense we’ve tried against them. No amount of insect repellent, citronella oil, flaming lanterns, profanities shouted, or prayers sent up have seemed to thwart their unending attack on me and my family. Summer’s not even started and already, those stupid little winged spawns of Satan are working hard to keep us all penned up inside.
I, being the ever forgetful creature that I am, left my sunglasses, (one of the eyes only lines of defense against the temporary blindness that comes when one the little devils flies right into your cornea,) in the house yesterday afternoon and I’ve never been more miserable in my life. Oh, wait a minute, there was that time I was so sick I couldn’t get out of bed for two days, and then there was the time I had whiplash from a car wreck and couldn’t move my head from side to side, oh and I have had two children. Ok, so maybe I have been more miserable in my life a few times, but trust me, it ranked right up there.
The little winged demons are so vexing. They kept flying right into my eyes! So, naturally, I kept squinting my eyes until they were just barely open enough for me to see, but it really wasn’t helping. I eventually had the entire upper portion of my face contorted in what could only be described as something totally unnatural, to try to keep the little flying nuisances from permanently blinding me. This went on for only a few minutes, but for my poor face and forehead, it seemed like it lasted for days. My forehead started hurting and I ended up giving myself a headache.
Needless to say, this didn’t deter the stupid bugs one bit. They had no pity for me. They felt no remorse for making me so miserable. They couldn’t care less about the permanent wrinkles set deep into my face from the unnatural facial contortions I was trying, in vain I might add, to keep them from blinding me. Once I waved the white flag of defeat and headed inside the sanctuary of the mostly bug free house, I’m pretty sure that they went on to aggravate some other poor creature. My misery was no longer high on their list of things to do. They had won.
But I won’t go down without a fight! I’ll keep coming back and eventually I’ll win the battle with the winged spawns! Will these horrendous flying menaces get the best of me and keep me prisoner in the cabin all summer? No. For I will come out the victor. I will figure out a way to end their evil reign and I will enjoy being outside once again!